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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27783112">Soft skin and scars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmsleydaleIsEvil/pseuds/EmsleydaleIsEvil'>EmsleydaleIsEvil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unrequited Crush</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:53:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,411</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27783112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmsleydaleIsEvil/pseuds/EmsleydaleIsEvil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gin is caught unawares by his imagination, but goes with it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Opportunity knocks.....one out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d come back tipsy and settled on the sofa in front of whatever shit TV was on, it hadn’t taken him long to lose interest in it. He’d been feeling frisky all day but the bowl-haired four eyes screeching about empty cupboards and emptier wallets had stopped him making friends with his morning wood.</p>
<p>So now he was alone, and relaxed and definitely had the place to himself tonight and he was going to enjoy himself. He wasn’t a prolific masturbator like some guys he knew but Kagura moving in had definitely reduced his opportunities to do it. So he was going to have a well deserved wank in the comfort of his own living room.</p>
<p>Gin was a bit hazy from the sake so he slid down, head rested against the sofa back and legs spread out in front of him. He placed his hand on his crotch and just enjoyed the feeling of it resting on his dick, he kept his hand still and moved his hips to rub himself against the palm, eyes closed, almost able to pretend that another person was touching him.</p>
<p>He just kept rubbing and teasing himself, his left hand slid his yukata to the side and dipped below his shirt to rest on his stomach, his muscle were warm, the hard skin on his fingers enjoying the feel of soft skin and scars.</p>
<p>He let the pleasure build, being sleepy was the best time to rub one out, the relaxed feeling just making it that much better. Gin finally unzipped his tight black pants, slowly peeling them down so just his dick slid out, he let his balls stay trapped by the fabric and just concentrated on how good his cock felt. He pushed his dick away and then let it slap back against him, a soft moan leaving his mouth at the same time. He did this a few times, gentle slaps getting him rock hard and ready to be properly played with. </p>
<p>He wrapped his hand round himself and let his thumb wander up to the wet slit to gently rub the pre-cum around. He slowly began to move his hips, gripping tighter along the underneath of his cock where it felt good. Eyes still shut his thoughts pulled him along with the fantasy of another’s hand on him, fucking his cock into his hand to help with the illusion that someone else was doing it for him.</p>
<p>It had been so long since someone else had touched him.</p>
<p>Gin suddenly imagined there were fingers deep inside his ass.</p>
<p>The phantom fingers were long and wriggled around each other constantly moving and stretching him out. Eyes still shut Gin reached his feet out to place them on the coffee table, knees bent at an angle he tilted his pelvis up so the angle for the imaginary finger-fucker would be right. Gin wished someone was here, wished those clever fingers moving inside him were real, he felt so good right now and the fantasy had now spread his legs a bit more to make room for the phantom sat on the coffee table dedicated to fingering his  ass so well, Gin was nearly there. He’d hardly moved his hand, the combination of being untouched for so long and the imaginary fingering was getting him off, he felt his balls tightening and moaned at the thought of his asshole tightening around his lover's fingers as well. The image of the fingers in his ass continued and led him slowly up a smartly dressed arm attached to a body sat on his coffee table un-moving aside from the talented fingers, Gin guessed that his insides would start to squelch about now and he would groan letting Mr. Fantasy-Man know to rub harder against his prostate. No more teasing now they both knew he was ready to cum. Eyes squeezed shut, mouth open and dick slowly sliding in and out of his hand Gin imagined eyes opening to look at the man getting him off so well and he saw a handsome face that smirked lips around a nearly finished cigarette before curling fingers hard into him and he finally got what he wanted, his body jerking slightly at the force of the orgasm. </p>
<p>Gin lay there for a bit, dick out and cum on his stomach and a bit surprised at the person his wanking had imagined for him. Gin knew Hijikata was an asshole, but now he realised that his own asshole wasn’t adverse to him getting to know him a bit better.</p>
<p>The drunken sleepiness had changed now to a hazy pleasure and Gin decided to keep going. Getting up he threw his yukata onto the sofa and stumbled off to the washroom, it had been so long since he’d had anything inside him and tonight he had time, privacy and new jerk-off material to work with.</p>
<p>Getting naked Gin stepped under the shower and enjoyed the warmth while he gently washed the cum away, his silver hair hung straight and plastered across his eyes and face which was okay because he was still keeping them half shut and pretending that someone was doing this for him. He imagined hands cupping both his butt-cheeks and pulling them apart to expose the part of him that was so desperate for attention now. </p>
<p>Gin wasn’t brave enough to keep a dildo in the house after spotting Kagura throwing his last one at Sadaharu in the park, he’d been amazed at how far the thing had fucking bounced. He did have a bottle of body wash that was long and slim and he’d had his eye on it for a while now as his sneaky new toy. He ignored his dick this time and focused on the bottle, he squeezed out some of the lotion onto his fingers and then leaning against the wall of the shower he braced himself with his left arm and reached around with his right to brush lightly against the puckered skin gagging for attention. Gin had strong, slim fingers with callouses from handling a sword for so many years, he hissed a bit as they scratched against the tender skin of his rim. He got one fingertip just inside and stayed there, enjoying the feeling of the tight ring of muscle spasming around his finger, he was determined not to pull out and slid further in. </p>
<p>He started to rotate his finger around trying to pull the ring of muscle gently side to side to loosen it up, he wasn’t sure how long it took but impatient he gently slid the second finger in and waited for his asshole to adapt. Then the second finger slid in all the way to join the first, fuck he was tight, he slipped forward leaning more of his chest against the shower wall. It felt so good he didn’t even know what to do with himself, stay where he was, move off, pretend again that someone else had taken over. Gin sighed and realised the cold tiles of the shower wall felt incredible, the hot water ran down his head and over his back and the hand playing inside him but his nipples were pressed against cold tiles and the difference was perfect. He stood upright and pressed more of his front against the cold, nipples and cock brushing against it as he moved gently side to side. His dick was hard again now but apart from nudging it against the wall he ignored it and focused on his fingers. Gin stayed here a while, swaying in the warmth of the water, fingers sliding in and out more easily now, he giggled as he imagined farting bubbles of shower gel tomorrow but it was totally fucking worth it he hadn’t been this satisfied in ages. </p>
<p>It felt like time for the final event so Gin slid his fingers out loving the way his asshole closed immediately as they pulled out and he got more lotion and started to stroke it up and down the bottle, it was slim enough that it should go in okay after two fingers but Gin took his time. Resting the head of it against himself he bore down and tried to open himself up whilst gently pushing down, it hurt a bit when the bottle slipped inside and he couldn’t keep quiet as his ass tried to close desperately but couldn’t. Slow, gentle back and forth movements led to the bottle slipping further in and Gin was so fucking glad he’d decided to do this, even if the shower started running cold he was going to get the ass fucking he needed.</p>
<p>Ridges on the cap of the bottle made it easy to keep hold off even with slippery fingers, instinct made him turn around and his dick and nipples welcomed the warmth of the water. He pressed his hand holding the bottle behind him against the wall and then started to slide himself back onto it, letting it go deep inside. A soft ‘yes’ whispered in the bathroom and Gin shut his eyes again and started to slowly fuck himself, He wished that imaginary man back again and instead of firm fingers inside him this time there was a long, hard cock moving slowly in and out. Hijikata had an abrasive voice and Gin imagined him whispering filth in his ear while he fucked him, ‘you’re such a slut for me bastard, you’ll take it any way I give it to you won’t you bastard’ and Gin just breathed heavily and kept up the pace, ‘you want my cock so bad don’t you’ and Gin came hard sliding back all the way onto the bottle as he spurted out cum onto the shower floor.</p>
<p>‘Yes’ Gin replied.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Shower-gel, The Return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Still Covid, still writing....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was definitely a moment that morning when Gin felt like he might have shit himself a bit. The loose feeling from last nights’ fuckery session possibly combined with the shower gel he’d used definitely gave the feeling of a problematic wet fart alarm except there hadn’t really been any farting, more of an ooze feeling. It was a good thing he was a gross person, he was at the dojo watching Shinpachi train (getting annihilated) so he didn’t draw attention to himself and nice and quietly got up to go see the potential state of his underpants in the bog. Which of course was suspicious.</p><p>‘Why are you suddenly slinking around like a ghost huh?’ Kagura’s voice from outside floated in. He looked over to the window to see her face pressed against the window with her nostrils flattened and pulled up to look like a proper pig nose, big gaping nose holes steaming up the window.</p><p>‘Gonna start drifting around like a dead person to match the hair are you? You could haunt an ice cream parlour and do the movey-ghostie thing and get cream spilled all over yourself, or even better over your favourite big-breasted waitress and then you would actually die because you’re a life-long virgin’. Kagura ended her little tale by putting her mouth against the glass and blowing out air so she looked like a surprised AND hungry pig. </p><p>Luckily the abuse of the window had attracted Tae’s ire who had run outside with a broom to play whack-a-pig and gave Gin enough time to carry on his stealthy sidle to the toilet for damage limitation. Hopefully.</p><p>Gin wasn’t totally ashamed, I mean everyone’s done the walk of shame right, but admittedly there are different types of walks of shame. There’s the I got laid so good that I don’t even care who judges me, the my night drinking was so great that it never really ended. Then there was the I have shit myself and I can only hope that I can get home without anybody talking to me let alone seeing or possibly smelling the apocalypse I have made in my pants whilst walking really slowly with my cheeks clenched together just so that nothing more slides out. </p><p>Why did everyone think anal sex was how it was in porn. All ready-basted holes and no backlash, as if.  </p><p>This thought process had kept Gin occupied down the corridor and once he was safely inside the bathroom he sighed with relief and got on with the survey. </p><p>Well it didn’t smell like he’d shit himself so things were looking good. Gin pulled his pants down and sat on the toilet and bravely took a look at his boxers. </p><p>Phew. Just clean pants with their little strawberry cartoon faces staring up at him with mild judgement. Anyways, since he was here and there had been a close call Gin decided to play it safe and stay here for a bit, there was a Jump he’d stashed down his yukata earlier that he wanted to re-read. He was at the bit in Bleach when Ichigo got the super sexy long hair, like the reaaaaaally long hair with the pony tail and the front flap things and everyone knew that the state of the hair was an indication of the epic level of the fight that was going to happen and it made him happy every time. </p><p>‘Shit. I’m still horny’. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After the non-existent dump and the mildly erotic Jump session had ended Gin made his way back to the main room ready to slump back down against the wall and laugh at Shinpachi’s earnest attempt at survival. His sister had carried on training but with the broom, it was highly effective and she was using it as a paddle to swat Shinpachi’s ass everytime he turned his back on her. Gin liked this, liked being here surrounded by the loony brigade yet left alone so that he could just watch and be content with the day and its very low expectations of him.</p><p>The broom-smacking was interrupted by the dojo phone ringing and Tae leaving Shinpachi to go and answer it. Shinpachi waddled over to Gin and sat down next to him, his glasses were sat a little bit low on his nose and were steamed and he looked like a sad little Grandpa. </p><p>‘Do you think I’m improving Gintoki?’ asked sad little Grandpa.</p><p>‘I mean you’re improving at taking the butt swatting’ came Gin’s diplomatic response, he let his finger drift up to pick his nose to signal disinterest with the conversation and to try and stop Shinpachi from asking for more details.</p><p>‘I’ll never be a sumurai’ came the dejected response.</p><p>‘You don’t get knighted or anything’ Gin’s response was surprisingly gentle. ‘The Queen of England doesn’t come out and watch you joust and decide you’re good enough, a Samurai is someone who can and will fight and does it because they have heart, so I think you’re already there if you’re looking for an expert opinion’. </p><p>Shinpachi looked like he could cry, I mean if Gin could see through his specs then he probably would. </p><p>‘Really?’ </p><p>And yeah he did mean it, what was going on with him at the moment. Soppy and sex-starved. God Gin could feel a two day bender coming on to flush out the emotions and leave himself an empty shell of a man. He might start this afternoon, plans currently included food shopping and sweeping leaves off some dudes garden which the kids could manage by themselves. He needed to press the reset button and get himself back to normal before he did anything else out of the ordinary.</p><p>And then Hijikata walked through the door and Gin had the urge to lick every one of his possibly nicotine stained fingers and bashed his head back against the wall so hard to stop the train of thought and impending half-lobber that was in danger of occurring. </p><p>Who knew walls could bite, fuck that hurt, fuck, owwwwwww. Shit, don’t draw attention to yourself get up and move pussy.</p><p>Gin used the wall to help himself up and watched as Hijikata ignored him completely and chatted to Tae for a while while she nodded occasionally, before turning round to holler in their direction.</p><p>‘Hey Shinpachi can you come with me, I’m off to beat some sense into the Gorilla and I need a witness to prove that it was in self-defence’ </p><p>‘Can’t I stay here and train Sis’ came the whined reply.</p><p>Hijikata had turned to face them against the wall and obviously focused all his attention on Shinpachi, ‘i know you probably would want to do anything else but I actually need your sister to distract him for a bit while the rest of the men move his office around. It’s time for its yearly clean’ which from the slightly pinched face Hijitaka was kinda making meant that it was grim.</p><p>As if Shinpachi could ever say no to the Shinsengumi little goodie-two shoes that he was. ‘Fine’ he huffed ‘I’ll go then’.</p><p>Gin watched lazily as they packed up their stuff and left, ‘don’t break anything’ Tae hissed as she was leaving and he heard her call to Kagura when she walked out through the door so it was just him left. </p><p>He heard the spark of a lighter and dumbly turned to see that Hijikata was still there unmoved. He looked as close to sheepish as he probably was able which was not very at all and simply shrugged ‘as if I want to go and help them clean out that pit, I’m going to stay here and train if that’s alright with you’ which wasn’t a question but left Gin reeling a bit anyway because he was talking to him. Civilly </p><p>His Mr.Fantasy-Man. Training alone…...sweaty…...breathing heavily…....</p><p>He could sense the impending jacking off that would need to happen in response to this.</p><p>‘I mean are you going to reply or are you somehow even more retarded than normal’ Hijikata drawled at him whilst breathing a cloud of smoke out.</p><p>Trying to look mighty and un-bothered he replied ‘as if I care what a tax-stealing douche like you gets up to’ and tried to dramatically turn and walk away only to be stopped by Hijikata’s voice saying ‘you’re bleeding’ and then Gin reached to the back of his head where it turns out he probably had found that nice big rusty nail that Tae had asked him to care of but he didn’t because he’s a shirker and had banged his head against. His fingers came back covered in red and a little tuft of hair and Gin realised he was having another fucking shmoopy moment and he felt the world veer ever so slightly and he felt sick and he heard words and a bang and he was on the floor and the world was still moving which made him feel more sick so he decided to pass out completely to stop this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Not the kind of bang i wanted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To be fair to Hijikata he only waited till his cigarette ended before prodding the slob’s shoulder with his toe to see if he was alive. </p><p>He wasn’t surprised to see Gintoki going from lazy lounging to walking away with a bloody head – predictable didn’t even cover the freaks’ normal behaviour. What was surprising was the sort of upset look on his face at the bloody hand and the subsequent keeling over. There wasn’t many, well any nice things really that he would say about him but the guy was like a cockroach, he seemed to shrug everything off like his sub-human personality was too stupid to even know that anything untoward had occurred. </p><p>So fainting from a bit of blood was surprising.</p><p>A few pokes with his foot and bleary eyes were staring up at him.</p><p>‘Wah?’ said Gin</p><p>Hijikata pulled out another cigarette and between lighting it and taking his first drag he waited for more noise from the cockroach. Clicking. Was that the noise cockroaches made?</p><p>But there was no movement, no inane comment. He just lay there looking noticeably green against the white of his yukata, eyes blinking slowly.</p><p>‘You can’t be concussed just from that’ Hijikata drawled out ‘so I’m going to be generous and wait here and have another cigarette to supervise you and then I’m going to go about my day’. </p><p>Again, no reply. Shit just got real weird.</p><p>So he poked him with his foot again.</p><p>‘Oi, say something Odd-jobs’.</p><p>Finally Gintoki huffed and propped himself up on one arm, to be fair he looked kinda shaky even to Hijikata’s cold heart. </p><p>‘Wha happened’ was all Gintoki managed before making a ‘hurrrrwwwwaaaah’ noise and vomming all over Tae’s shiny floor. </p><p>Hijikata had toed him from a distance so luckily was outside of the splash zone, and to be fair there wasn’t much. He’d have thought he would have been full of alcohol or milkshake or both and it would have fucking tsunami'd.</p><p>Puking seemed to have perked him up a bit and he managed to get himself sitting up but then just sat there looking dejected. </p><p>‘You should probably hurry and clean that up before Tae finishes at Headquarters, you’ll be in for worse if she sees that’. </p><p>Gintoki was still acting weirder than normal and still looked upset. Hijikata wasn’t really sure why he was bothering, but duty ensured that he stayed until the physical well-being of a member of the public was confirmed, then he could walk away. He was waiting for the stupid comments to signify that he was fine and he could finish baby-sitting. I mean if you could call standing there smoking baby-sitting but this was a special case, he already knew how irritating and idiotic this guy was, most people got the benefit of the doubt before he was quickly proved right. </p><p>‘Listen, I can’t stand around here all day so I’m going to take your open eyes as confirmation that you’re fine and I’m going to leave’ said Hijikata drawing out the last few puffs on his cigarette trying to make it last. </p><p>‘Okay, thanks’ came the quiet reply.</p><p>It fucking lives! Seeing that he seemed mostly awake now Hijikata made an attempt at well-wishing the injured party in preparation for leaving ‘I’m sure your day can’t get any worse, so make the most of it!’ </p><p>Gintoki huffed and rested his head down onto his crossed arms. ‘Well if you’d come half hour ago you would have seen me at the I think I’ve actually shit myself crisis point, so this feels like karma for avoiding that’. </p><p>Well, there was the low-life freakazoid in all his normal glory so now was the time to go. He turned and started towards the door, as if Hijikata was going to train here now with this spewwy nut job here, he could fit in a walk to the Udon place on the next street if he was quick and the afternoon wouldn’t be a total write off. </p><p>‘Um, bye then. And thanks’ he heard behind him but he was already out of the door so didn’t bother replying.</p><p> </p><p>Gin could cry. I mean he really, really could. Not only had he fainted, then puked in front of his newest man-crush he had then ruined the admittedly quite stale moment by admitting to being a panty-shitter. Fan-fucking-tastic. </p><p>He looked down at the mess on the floor, even his attempt at puking was pathetic. He really was having a proper fuck my life kind of day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. DOMS</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a few minutes of spaced out misery, Gin had cleaned the floor, tried to wash the back of his head and fucked off home. He was now suffering from, what was that abbreviation they used...DOMS - delayed onset moping syndrome.</p>
<p>He knew he wasn’t good with his own blood, I mean yeah he’d seen enough of other people’s but there was just something about your own. And he was trying to push down the memories that came with his blood…..a nicked hand in training and Shouyou sitting him down to put a plaster on it and feed him something sweet…..if Gin wasn’t feeling so rough that two day bender would be in full force right now.</p>
<p>Gin couldn’t help but miss Shouyou right now, he knew he was a grown man but the juxtaposition with how Hijikata had treated him today with how Shouyou had was making him feel miserable. Would anyone ever want to take care of him again, would anyone see that he didn’t need taking care of, but that he liked that someone wanted to. </p>
<p>Being an abandoned child meant being automatically programmed to not need anyone.</p>
<p>‘Okay brain stop right now!’ Gintoki hissed, ‘just shup the fuck up and let me enjoy actually having an excuse to wallow in peace’. </p>
<p>Which was the universe’s cue to enter Kagura and Shinpachi onto the stage of Gin’s misery. </p>
<p>‘Hey Gin-san’ Shinpachi greeted as he made his way over to the sofa to him. Kagura walked past flipped him the bird and said ‘sup loser’ before disappearing into the kitchen to dig through the cupboards. </p>
<p>‘We’ve just popped in on our way to the big house with the garden for the leaf clearing job Gin-San’ Shinpachi said mildly, ‘when you disappeared from the dojo we thought maybe you’d forgotten so we’re here to pick you up’. </p>
<p>Shinpachi was probably being nice because of what Gin said earlier.</p>
<p>‘Yeah about that I’m not sure I’m feeling that up to it today’ Gin responded meekly. It was a quick 180 and Shinpachi was back to normal now giving him the glare with the menacing glint of light off his glasses adding to it. ‘Don’t be lazy, you’ve done nothing today at least see this as the opportunity to actually afford a sundae after’. Bless him though Gin, even when he’s trying to be mean he’s still being the good guy. </p>
<p>Gin appreciated that they wanted him, wasn’t that what he’d been moping about earlier? That fact and the hope that activity would distract him from his memories made him more amenable.</p>
<p>He said it with an obvious eye-roll but he meant it. ‘Okay, you’re right I was just being lazy, thank you for stopping on the way to take me to physical labour, my favourite’. Shinpachi was almost smiling when he said ‘alright, we’ll just grab a drink and go then’. </p>
<p>‘Yes boss’ said Gin and Kagura’s snort from the kitchen sounded like food went down the wrong hole at the same time and it was exactly what he needed.</p>
  </div></div>
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